No I have mentioned this idea briefly earlier on in the course and now I really want to on packets.
We're just focusing in on people's emotions on my emotions on your emotions.
I'm going to share a little bit of my own story here and we disclose a little bit to hopefully help
you relate everything that I'm talking about here.
No this is something this is an idea that we sometimes may need to educate people in our clients.
All right.
Sometimes we spell things out for people when it's not because I as coaches we are teachers.
Although the coaching process is very much an educational process.
So sometimes when we understand ourselves on this level it's not like we're sitting down and sharing
presentations with people like how I'm sharing these ideas with you but rather we share of our own experience
our own stories because it's through telling stories other people are able to relate with me.
All right.
So I'm just building upon that I exercise that I've shared with you in the last video.
Remember what we focus on we feel if we look back to the past to the fond.
Excellent exciting memories that we've had.
We're going to feel okay and if we look back to the past and focus right in and all the destructive
side hurtful memories and experiences that we've had we're going to most likely end up spiraling downward
and finding ourselves in a hole you know without hole is no don't you.
So he didn't want to talk about emotional time travel.
And I wonder what you think and Kane Ramsey time travel doesn't even exist.
Well my friend I'm going to suggest that it actually does.
Now I don't know whether actual time capsules Time Travel capsules have been invented yet but I do know
that inside of our own minds we are more than capable of projecting ourselves some point in the future
years from now.
And we're also capable of going back to the past to either the positive happy memories or the sad and
destructive ones and what we focus on will determine how we feel on a minute by minute basis.
Our focus can shift as quickly as the wind as can our emotional experience in life.
So what I'm going to say right is that how we relate to the past and the future is always going to determine
how we feel today in the present.
All right here's matey boy right here is beards getting blown about in the wind is looking forward to
the future and eager anticipation feeling quite positive about things because he is looking forward
to the better days that are yet to come.
All right.
If we are looking forward to the future.
All right.
And we are envisioning bigger brighter better days something that we're looking forward to.
We are looking forward to a wedding day or we're looking forward to having children or while looking
forward to start a new job or looking forward to going on holiday when we have something to look forward
to i.e. a vision.
All right.
We generally feel uplifted and generally quite positive in life.
But when we are looking forward to things or events or experiences in life that we don't want i.e. have
you ever had a conversation with a student who is going through his final exams or her final exams something
like that.
And she says I'm going to fail my exams I've not studied enough I'm not smart enough I'm not good enough
on the no given voice to that chain and noose around the neck by the way.
Some lesson I've learned about himself at some point in the past said I am going to fail miserably in
my exams and oh did it feel to start feeling stressed and they start feeling anxious then they go to
the doc.
There isn't a mental health specialist who says Oh my goodness you've contracted the anxiety disease.
Let me give you some medication because that will work.
OK.
What we focus on we feel on a very very practical level if we are looking forward to the future to something
that we perceive as being exciting great fun joyous pleasurable we're going to feel all these things
and more if we are looking forward to the future fearful of the worst case scenario or the most negative
possible outcome happening.
Then of course this is going to come with other emotional consequences.
All right.
What we focus on we feel all right our emotions operate as simplistically as this.
Right.
No mental health specialists and professionals and experts are required all right to manage people's
emotions.
All right.
Self management and self regulation is all this require.
This is the good good news.
All right means that not every single person that face the world needs to become a fully qualified professional
psych apologist in order to manage their emotions.
Motions are not illnesses they are just emotions.
All right.
There's some very good news for a lot of people whether we accept this or whether we reject it doesn't
make it any less true.
So think about it when we look forward to the future.
If I was to ask you right now to look forward to 12 months from now I'd just picture the worst case
scenario happening where you may be in your life.
If everything was to fall apart imagine your relationship sort of fall apart.
Some people in your life were to die.
You were to lose all your money lose your home fail all your exams all this kind of stuff.
A zombie apocalypse was to happen the aliens were to come down and wipe out the world race or something
like that and some people to think like this.
All right all joking aside and of course we're gonna feel anxious.
What I'm saying here is that we cannot feel anxious or fearful or apprehensive or nervous about anything
this happened in our past.
Why.
Because all anxiety is is fear based.
We cannot be fearful of things that have already happened.
Everything this happened happened yesterday or the day before yesterday or this morning.
But yes it is history.
History is just simply a memory.
All right good and bad things have happened in the past.
All of our memories are positive or negative by nature.
All right.
Now don't get me wrong if we focus on good things in the past we might end up having stories to tell.
And we'll talk about the good days that have happened and we might talk about yes a year and the good
old days and stuff like that and you might if you've ever had a conversation with old people they will
talk about oh the young people today are quite what they used to be.
Oh the times are about to change and the world is not what it used to be back then and all that kind
of stuff and what people are giving voice to are the positive happy memories at the heart.
But the truth of the matter is is that life evolves the world changes.
So in the past all we have are good and bad memories.
Now if we focus on bad unhelpful harmful experiences that we've had and if we are drawing meaning from
these hurtful side experiences such as I'm unlovable I am useless I am worthless.
Nothing happened to me which therefore means that I am no goods.
No one could ever possibly want to have anything to do with me at some point again in the future.
Well yes we are pretty much catastrophe rising in our in our thoughts and but how are we likely going
to feel we're going to most likely feel sad even borderline depressed.
We might feel really down really low and again this just works hand in hand with whatever it is that
we are focusing on.
What we focus on we feel so when we're looking back to the past.
All we're ever gonna be considering are things that have happened our memories things that have happened
at some point earlier in life.
If we're focusing on good memories and good positive events we'll have happy times happy emotions.
If we're focusing on the bad we're going to have the sad ones.
No the stories that we tell ourselves about those good and bad experiences.
If we have focused more on the bond for example say for example my story nor my identity crisis when
a focus and all the rejections the story that I tell myself here in the present was I'm not good enough
I'm never going to get picked.
No one's ever gonna want me I'm not smart enough I'm not good enough I'm not this enough I'm not that
enough.
Therefore as I look forward to my future I've done so from a place of angst and fear and apprehension.
I would ask myself the question how is it that I'm ever going to be able to do anything greater my future
than what I've already than my past because I'm not enough.
All right now this might seem in some crazy but it's how we all process life.
I don't know if you've ever heard of the term imposter syndrome.
No it's not that this is actually a clinical illness because it's not but it very much is a state of
mind and the same way that we have.
On the flip side of the coin and superiority complex.
So we've got an imposter syndrome.
Then we've got a superiority complex.
All right.
And sometimes we'll always experience this in the present moment when we're looking forward to the future.
We're going to focus on all the positive things we've heard and have gone on for as in the past i.e.
you might be the case here in the present.
Well think back to all the wins or the successes all the achievements that we've that we've that we've
accomplished throughout our life.
And then here in the present we say I've accomplished everything.
Therefore I am invincible.
I'm kind of like Superman and I've got Superman complex going on.
And then some people end up setting themselves up for massive an epic failure.
So when the little bubble bursts and they realize that the Superman and we can't actually accomplish
everything that we want to achieve in life.
The end of beating themselves up completely disillusioned and so on and so forth.
And in the same way some people who have told themselves the story I'm useless I'm worthless I'm not
good enough I'm not smart enough I'm not good looking enough I'm not handsome enough I'm not pretty
enough I'm not strong enough I'm not skilled and talented enough and all these kinds of things here
in the present we end up looking forward to our future and say I don't know if I'm ever gonna be able
to do the things that I want to do with my life.
And again coming from this place can end up leaving people in a real state of aloneness and sadness
and morbidity here in the present.
All right.
Ah yeah.
Catch in for cookin.
We do this inside of our minds all of the time whether we're aware of it or whether we are north or
what I'm going to boldly say as most people are not aware of this.
Generally our expectations of the future are based upon the outcomes of already hard in the past.
Most people expect more of in the future what they've had in the past.
Well there's been much failure in the past or be this much success in the past.
If we've had much failure it goes without saying that we expect much more failure.
If we've had much success and accomplishment and achievement in the past guess what we're going to have
in the future or what we're going to expect in the future.
That's right.
Much more success and achievement give you a little example of this just a couple of years ago I was
working with on an ex professional footballer here in Scotland.
No this man had played for the national team he'd done some very very well had lots of medals.
He was pretty much the man about town.
Quite a famous guy here in Scotland and he came to me and Kane my football career has come to an end.
I don't know what to do.
And as the conversations evolved what weeds have what became quite apparent was that this guy had really
based his self worth his identity on his ability to perform so in the past.
He started playing football when he was around about 16.
Around about five or six years old but he ended up starting playing professional football when he was
around about 15 or 16.
He got snapped up for the local side then he ended up playing for some of the major teams not just in
Scotland but throughout the UK.
No he was in his mid to late 30s his heyday was over and where he'd been absolutely fine.
He is a man had been validated because he continued to get picked in the first team.
He would continue to play and score goals and add value to the winning side.
He was now in a position where he was no longer able to do that which left him and the police in the
present asking the question my goodness I can no longer keep on doing what I've done before in the past.
My goodness no I'm useless now I serve no purpose no I'm worthless and what I feel about my future is
angst and fear and apprehension and all this kind of stuff.
So in a coaching context the way that that conversation went was I ended up helping him to just better
appreciate the process of learning what he'd been through what he ended up going on to become was a
coach and a mentor for a young man and young women who are wanting to get into professional football.
Why.
Because he himself had been there done that got the t shirt got the national caps and so on so forth.
So coach and for many many people becomes an extremely meaningful progression and in life.
But this is emotional time travel.
All right.
How we relate to the past or the term and how we relate to the future be this positive or be this negative.
And if we understand this as life coaches then it will enable us to help our clients to better regulate
themselves.
We do this through asking them questions you know where did you learn this.
And who says That's right.
Who told you this.
Because nine times out of ten what people respond to is just simply their perceptions their interpretations
of the stories that they've told themselves.
Which by no.
I'm hoping you appreciate nine times of a ten are a million and one miles away from the truth.
OK so most of the time travel take a little bit of time just to consider this idea and just revisit
the idea.
How do you relate to the past.
How do you relate to the future.
Is your relationship with your future expectations a good one.
Or is it not a good one.
And whatever your answer is why he'll be found this video interesting and we'll see you again in the
next.